Flashdance

Nostalgia is a cruel mistress. Oh, sure, she always speaks highly of you, and focuses on the positives in every situation, but at the end of the day she's just setting you up for a fall.

It was while under the seductive influence of Nostalgia that I recently found myself in posession of the complete 'Flash' television series on DVD. And, well... funnily enough, it's not quite as good as I remembered it.

Now, keep in mind, I'm only talking about the debut telemovie here. I was impressed by the second episode, and may yet be wowed by the 20 episodes to come. But that first telemovie... boy, has my mind been playing tricks on me.

Consider, too, that I couldn't have been any older than five or six when I last saw it, and back then, the idea of a live-action Flash running around was enough to make me oversee any cinematic or televisual sin. Still is, for the most part. So I'm not entirely surprised I had such fond memories of this movie-length premiere.

And, in fairness, there's some cool stuff going on here. It's hard to fault the first hour or so, wherein the Flash gets his powers and discovers how to use them in fairly comedic ways. Why, there's even some sly, Lois & Clark-style superheroic innuendo to laugh along with. And the story behind the costume makes sense, at least until he personalises it.

But my God, do things get seriously wrong-headed in the second half. Am I the only one who thinks a guy running around in a red suit with a lightning bolt insignia isn't intimidating? Am I the only one who thinks that with a Rogues Gallery consisting of guys like Captain Cold, Captain Boomerang, the Trickster and the Mirror Master, there should be a touch of whimsy and a light-hearted charm present here? Was anyone with any taste whatsoever present during the scripting process, when deep and meaningful exchanges from Burton's 'Batman' were stolen wholesale to be used much less effectively in this story?

For that matter, the whole show kind of has the feel of a cash-in on Batman '89. Central City has never looked more like Gotham than it did here, and Danny Elfman and Shirley Walker's music- which I've loved to death elsewhere- come off as recycled left-overs from the 'Batman' recording sessions. Having said that, Walker was given the musical reins of the Batman Animated Series after this show, so for that, it's hard not to be thankful.

Still, this is the freakin' FLASH. It should be FUN. Instead, co-writers Paul De Meo and Danny Bilson take us down the worst kind of forced, grim'n'gritty path. When I was five or six, I probably thought it was kewl that the Flash fought a goth motorcycle gang, so, you know, mission accomplished there. It just doesn't hold up well, not that it was probably supposed to.

Co-producers De Meo and Bilson (possibly most famous these days as the father of OC starlet Rachel) were recently handed the writing reigns of the Flash comic book, and surprise, surprise, it apparently sucks. I'm generally really supportive of everything Dan DiDio has done since he took over at DC Comics... I may not have liked all of it personally, but I have liked a lot of it, and the rest has appealed to a broad section of other readers. But did anyone ever really think that tying the comic into a TV show that got cancelled fifteen years ago was actually going to be successful? Are there really no better writers to handle one of the company's flagship characters?

Okay. So. Rant Over. Way to kick a television show's pilot fifteen years after it went down!

Anyway, like I said, the second episode was surprisingly good, and with Howard Chaykin on the writing staff and Mark Hammil coming up in a couple of episodes as the Trickster, I might end up looking at this as a good retro purchase.

But I have learnt a lesson here, and it is to be wary of Lady Nostalgia. Next time I'm scanning the DVD racks and I happen to catch her gaze, I will look the other way immediately... unless it's the Defenders of the Earth box set, or the second season of Lois & Clark, or about a trillion other things I'm totally going to buy for pure nostalgia value.

Have a Flash intro:


And an intro to a Flash cartoon, which kinda proves why animation rocks by comparison: